


That Smile Is Worth The Wait (Darling I'm Forever Only Yours)

by LiveLaughLoveLarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Boys Kissing, Canon Compliant, Difficult Decisions, Doubt, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Fluff without Plot, Homesickness, I'm such a sap, Insecurity, Late Night Conversations, Light Angst, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Songfic, Take Me Home Tour, The X Factor Era, The prompt basically required it, because they are their home
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 16:48:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11040240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiveLaughLoveLarry/pseuds/LiveLaughLoveLarry
Summary: 261 – the longing for everything to turn out just like it does in that song.It was a conversation they would have dozens of times, over the years. Perhaps even hundreds. The details were different, the locations, the reasons, the voices, but it was at its heart the same conversation. And each time they reached the same conclusion.~*~*~“Harry, I’ve never felt anything like this before." Louis shook his head. "I don’tknowhow to do this.”Harry smiled. “There isn’t any knowing,” he said. “That’s not how it works. You don’t know. You just feel. What do you feel?”He felt – so many things. Fear. Excitement. Longing. Uncertainty.  “Too many things,” Louis said.“What do youwant?” Harry asked him.Again, so many things. He wanted to kiss Harry. He wanted to win X Factor. He wanted to talk to his mum and ask her what he should do. “I want everything,” Louis said at last. “I just don’t know if I can have it.”





	That Smile Is Worth The Wait (Darling I'm Forever Only Yours)

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written as part of an ongoing challenge. We each select random numbers and are given a specific emotion from the book 1000 Feelings For Which There Are No Names. To read the other fics written in this challenge, click [here](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/ShortFic_Challenge_For_Which_There_Is_No_Name/works), or you can find the masterpost on tumblr [here](http://lululawrence.tumblr.com/post/159679804243/1000-feelings-for-which-there-are-no-names-prompt). Big thanks to everyone who's made this challenge happen and made it so amazing! Thanks for letting me be a part of it!
> 
> Shoutout to [Nadya](http://screwstyles.tumblr.com/) for being my amazing britpick on such short notice.
> 
> Title from Someday by Michael Buble feat. Meghan Trainor, and written by Harry Styles ;)

~*~

_We belong together now, forever united here somehow._

~*~

It was quiet when Harry slipped into Louis’ bed that night. The night before, they had giggled – quietly, not wanting to disturb the other boys, though the boys had probably known anyway. Subtlety had never been their strong suit. But it was all so new, so fresh and exciting and full of possibilities. Possibilities that had suddenly multiplied the night before that.

It had long since become a foregone conclusion that, more often than not, Harry would pad across the room to slip into Louis’ bed. The first night he had claimed homesickness, the second night a nightmare, and after that it was just habit. It was an unspoken agreement, one Louis was more than happy with. Every smile from the curly-haired boy made his stomach feel pleasantly squishy inside, and he went to great lengths to bring it out – laughing at his terrible jokes, or making quips and slightly off-colour remarks of his own.

It had been one of these quips that had changed everything, two nights earlier. When Harry’s face peered through the darkness, Louis had lifted the blanket with a smile. Harry had rewarded him with one of those brilliant smiles as he wormed his way into the bed, pressing his frozen toes against Louis’ shins.

“Back again, Hazza?” Louis had whispered. “When there are so many other beds I’m sure you could charm your way into?”

Harry had laughed, low and quiet. “I’d rather be in this one,” he’d said. “I like this one best.”

Louis had felt his heart leap into his throat, not quite sure why. “Cause it’s the softest?” he’d asked. “Or cause I don’t complain about your frigid toes?”

Harry had smiled again. “Neither,” he said. “I just like you best. Nobody else I’d rather share my bed with.”

Louis wasn’t sure what to make of Harry’s words, but he found himself filled with a nearly overwhelming desire to kiss Harry. It was an unfamiliar feeling – he couldn’t remember ever feeling it, for anyone. Certainly not for any of his past girlfriends – or his current girlfriend, he reminded himself guiltily.

But Harry had just looked at him with those beautiful, innocent eyes, his lips curved into the softest smile, and Louis felt himself leaning forward in spite of himself.

“You’re – this is okay?” he whispered.

Harry’s smile grew a little wider. “Better than,” he’d whispered, closing the distance until there was barely a hairsbreadth in between them. Louis could feel Harry’s every breath brushing over his mouth, could feel the warmth coming off his skin. All he had to do was lean forward.

So he had.

Harry’s lips were softer than he could have imagined, warm and sweet in a way that he didn’t know how to put into words. He could feel Harry smiling against his lips and his insides felt like putty melting in sunshine – did putty melt? It didn’t matter, nothing mattered except the feeling of Harry’s lips on his and Harry’s skin on his.

He let out a soft moan, half muffled by Harry’s mouth, but it still carried through the silence of the room. They both froze, pulling away as they waited to see if anyone had heard. There had been a creaking of wood, then Liam’s sleep-thickened voice murmuring, “Louis? Y’alright down there?”

“I’m fine,” Louis managed, his voice steadier than he expected. “Just – just, um. Stomach ache.”

“Do you need anything?” Liam asked, sounding more rather than less awake. “Tums? A hot water bottle? Or I could call-”

“I’m fine, Liam,” Louis said quickly. “Just gassy. Go back to sleep “

Liam had gone silent at that. After a moment Louis felt Harry’s body shaking with silent laughter, his face tucked into Louis’ chest.

“Just gassy?” Harry had whispered, just loud enough for Louis to hear. “What an excuse.”

“Hey, it worked, didn’t it?”

Harry hadn’t stopped laughing. “Maybe I should go back to my bed, Mr. Stinkypants,” he’d teased.

He was joking, and Louis knew it, but he still found himself gripping Harry’s arm all the harder. “Please don’t,” he whispered. “I promise not to fart on you.”

There was another of those extraordinary smiles, and Harry whispered, “I’m not going anywhere. I like it here, remember?”

Louis wondered if all this squishiness was bad for his stomach. He didn’t really care, but he wondered. “I remember,” he said.

They’d stayed quiet for a while, waiting for Liam to drift back to sleep. Louis’ heart was racing, and he’d been sure Harry could feel it through his shirt, but Harry’s breaths had grown slower and deeper as he nuzzled into Louis’ arms, and Louis didn’t have the heart to wake him. He lay awake for a long time, just running his fingers through Harry’s hair.

The morning had come bright and early, the day busy to the point of being almost frenetic as they worked their way through arrangements and harmonies and choreography that seemed to change every time they did it. Louis’ head was spinning as he tumbled into bed, his mind more exhausted than his body, but he forced himself to stay awake.

Harry’s smile that night was almost manic, and he had to stifle giggles in Louis’ chest between kisses. It was exciting and terrifying and breathtaking and Louis wanted it all.

Twenty-four hours later, however, he could feel it crumbling between his fingers.

Harry was silent too. There was no laughter, no teasing, just a smile that looked as uncertain as Louis felt and a murmured “Hey.” Louis lifted the blanket, wrapping it around both of them, but for a long time they said nothing. They just lay there.

“You okay?” Harry asked at last.

Louis bit his lip and said nothing.

Harry waited for a long minute, then nodded slowly. “Yeah,” he said. “That’s what I figured.”

“Simon’s right, you know,” Louis said. “It would be – difficult. Maybe even damaging.”

Harry shrugged. “Maybe,” he said. “I don’t know.”

“Yes you do,” Louis said in a voice that bore no argument. “You know perfectly well what kind of world we live in, and what place people like us have in it.”

“People like us meaning musicians or people like us meaning gay?”

Louis winced at the word, still unfamiliar, almost foreign. It felt strange to apply it to himself, even as it explained – well, everything. “Both, I guess,” he said. “You’ve seen the YouTube comments. You’ve seen the Tweets. You’ve seen the _fans_. They have this image of us-”

“They barely _know_ us.”

Louis shook his head. “That’s my point,” he said. “There’s nothing stopping them from leaving.”

“There’s nothing stopping them from leaving either way,” Harry countered.

“You know what I mean.” Louis’ stomach felt twisted in knots, wrapped around so many unknowns. “I don’t want to ruin everything for Zayn or Liam or Niall. Everything is so fragile. Liam’s already been sent home twice. If it happens again – it’d kill him.”

Harry was quiet for a long moment. “So you’re not sure if it’s worth it?” he said at last.

“Are you?” Louis asked. “We've known each other for three months, Harry. And this - it's only been two days. What’s there to be sure of? We don’t even know – well, anything. Anything could happen; anything could go wrong. I don’t want to lose everything. And I don’t want to take the others down with us.”

There was a long silence. Louis' words hung heavy in the air between them. “You’re right,” Harry said. “It is uncertain. It might not last. But Lou, what if it does? What if it _works_? What if we _can_ do this?”

“How?” Louis asked helplessly. “Harry, I’ve never felt anything like this before – I don’t _know_ how to do this.”

Harry smiled. “There isn’t any knowing,” he said. “That’s not how it works. You don’t know. You just feel." He rested a hand on Louis' chest, pressing over his hear, and Louis tried not to shiver at the touch. "What do you feel?” Harry whispered.

He felt – so many things. Fear. Excitement. Longing. Uncertainty. “Too many things,” Louis said.

“What do you _want_?” Harry asked him.

Again, so many things. He wanted to kiss Harry. He wanted to win X Factor. He wanted to talk to his mum and ask her what he should do. “I want everything,” Louis said at last. “I just don’t know if I can have it.”

Harry smiled a soft, sad smile that made Louis’ heart feel like it was dropping out of the bottom of his chest. “I can’t tell you that,” he said. “I wish I could. You deserve it, if that helps, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything.”

Louis smiled too, his expression wry and slightly bitter. “If people got what they deserved, Joe would have dropped Kim in the pond instead of the other way around.”

Harry gasped, his face lighting up. “Oh my God, you watch _I’m A Celeb_?”

Louis coloured, shoving Harry gently. “Shut up,” he said. “My sisters are fanatics. They made me watch.”

“I’m not criticising,” Harry said earnestly, his eyes bright. “I love that show. I’ve watched every single season twice.”

Louis laughed quietly. “It does seem like something you’d like, now that I think of it," he said. "Though I’m sure you felt bad for the participants.”

“A little,” Harry admitted. “But they do volunteer. And they get paid a ton of money.”

“It’s funny to think…” Louis trailed off momentarily, his mind reeling with the realisation. “We could probably be on that show now.”

Harry gasped again. “We absolutely could! There’s a former X Factor contestant on this year!”

“Would you go on if you were offered?” Louis asked.

“Not on your life,” Harry said immediately. “You?”

Louis shook his head. “Probably not.”

Harry tapped his chin thoughtfully. “I could see you doing it, actually,” he said. “You’ve got the determination. And you’ve definitely got the comedy chops.”

Louis shuddered exaggeratedly. “Let’s send Liam and his stamina instead,” he suggested. “Or Niall. I’d love to see how he’d react to having to eat those things.”

Harry laughed. “This is great,” he said, his face almost glowing with excitement. “Now we can watch it together when it airs.”

“I don’t know about that,” Louis said, trying not to think about how certain Harry sounded that they would still be on the show then. “It wasn’t really my thing. I just watched because of my sisters.”

Harry frowned, studying him for a moment, and Louis couldn’t repress a smile. Harry grinned back triumphantly. “Liar,” he said.

“Guilty.”

“You pretend to be all tough but you have a secret soft side.” Harry’s smile made Louis’ insides do backflips.

“Is it really all that secret?” he asked.

Harry studied him again. “No,” he said. “Not anymore. Not to me.”

His words tugged on something coiled in Louis’ chest and he leaned forward almost involuntarily. He brushed his lips across Harry’s, feeling them curve into a smile under his touch. Warmth bloomed in his chest and for a moment he almost forgot how to breathe. Harry’s lips moved against his, sweet and soft, and Louis raised a hand to trace Harry’s cheek.

He didn’t want to lose this. He didn’t want to give this up. He’d never felt anything like this before, nothing that even came close, and perhaps that was because he’d been looking in all the wrong places but somehow he didn’t think so. There was something about Harry, something so unlike anyone Louis had ever known… he couldn’t explain it, but he didn’t think he could walk away, not now. Not when Harry was like sunshine, was like fresh air, and Louis had never realised that he’d spent his entire life in a dark, dank cave.

“I want to try,” he whispered, pulling away from Harry’s lips – not an easy feat. “I want to try.”

He met Harry’s eyes, big and deep and dark. Louis knew they were the most beautiful green in the light, the kind that made you think of springtime, full of new grass and sprouting leaves. He couldn’t see the colour in the darkness, but they still held the same softness and innocence that Harry always seemed to carry with him.

“I want to try too,” Harry whispered. “I think…” He laughed softly. “It sounds so silly to say it feels like we belong together, especially this soon, but…”

“I know what you mean,” Louis said. “I can’t explain it either.” He cracked a smile. “You’ve got a piece of me,” he teased.

Harry laughed, getting the joke instantly. “My life would definitely suck without you,” he said. “I honestly can’t imagine a future without you in it.”

“I don’t want to,” Louis agreed.

Harry’s fingers were soft as they twisted around Louis’. “So we try?” he said. “We give it a shot? We take the risk?”

“I think it’s worth it,” Louis said. “To try. If it doesn’t work… at least we’ll know we did everything we could.”

Harry squeezed Louis’ hand gently. “I’ll help,” he said quietly. “With the rough bits. I know it can be… well, it won’t always be easy. But we can be stronger together.”

Louis’ throat felt tight. “I feel like you’re offering me so much,” he said, “and I’m not giving you anything in return except trouble.”

Harry smiled. “I don’t mind a little trouble for a good cause,” he said. “And you do plenty for me. For all of us. You just don’t see it.” He touched Louis’ face. “But I do.”

Louis didn’t want to argue. He just wanted to kiss Harry, to make this… whatever it was – to make it official. And as he pressed his lips against Harry’s, softly at first but with growing intensity, he felt an almost eerie certainty that whatever was coming, this was worth it. For every moment, it was worth it.

~*~

_Just look at us holding on. We're still together, still going strong._

~*~

Louis pulled Harry into another searing kiss as the door of the hotel room slammed shut behind them. “Tell me again,” he murmured into Harry’s mouth. “Say it again.”

“You’re still the one,” Harry said obediently, his voice breathless from Louis’ kisses. “You’re still the one for me, always the one. For life.” Louis kissed him again, stealing the words from under his tongue. Harry’s hands wrapped around Louis’ shoulders, pressing him against the door as they made up for the two hours they’d had to spend not touching, not staring, pretending they weren’t in love. They’d done it so many times, more times than they could remember, but it still hurt. These moments after the concerts were some of Harry’s favourites, but he hated the cost they came at.

He pulled his mouth away from Louis’ and pressed their foreheads together, his chest heaving. Louis didn’t seem to like the pause, and wasted no time in pressing soft kisses to Harry’s neck, fastening his mouth to his favourite spot just above Harry’s collarbone.

Harry moaned softly as Louis bit down, sucking on the skin, branding him as his own. “Careful,” Harry gasped. “You’ll leave a mark.” Belying his words, however, his head tipped to the side, giving Louis better access.

“That’s what makeup is for,” Louis murmured, and Harry laughed breathlessly. Louis smiled too, pulling back to meet Harry’s eyes. “I want everyone to know you’re mine,” he said, just a hint of sadness behind his eyes as he cupped Harry’s cheek in his hand.

“Someday,” Harry promised, his voice solemn. “Someday the world will know. They’ll know that you’re the one I belong to. They’ll know that no matter how many years go by, you’ll still be the one I love.”

Louis’ smile grew, and he leaned forward to press their lips together again. The kiss was sweet and soft and slow, a tender agony that made Harry’s eyes prick with happy tears. When Louis pulled away, he was still smiling.

“I love you,” he said, and Harry had heard those words so many times but they still sent a thrill through him. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Harry said. “Always will. I want to tell you that every day for the rest of your life. I want to tell you that when you wake up, with bedhead and morning breath, and I want to tell you that before you fall asleep.”

Louis shivered under Harry's hands, brushing his thumb along Harry’s jawline. “It’s not fair, you know,” he said, his voice almost conversational.

Harry tilted his head to one side. “What’s not?”

“That you being this sweet makes me so _fucking_ horny.”

Louis pulled Harry into a kiss, his tongue pressing into Harry’s mouth almost before he realised what was happening. He started to laugh, but the sound choked off into a gasping moan when Louis bit down on his bottom lip. His fingers dug into Louis’ sides, gripping Louis’ shirt in messy fistfuls of fabric.

Louis pulled back. “Off,” he said, scrabbling at Harry’s own shirt. In moments they had stripped the offending articles off, tossing them aside to the corners of the room. Louis pushed Harry towards the bed, and Harry complied willingly. They disposed of their trousers with similar speed, and minutes later Harry was pressed deep into Louis, his head tipped back against the pillows, trying to keep his eyes open against the waves of pleasure as Louis rode him.

They came down slowly, wrapped around each other. Harry loved these moments, skin to skin, no stupid clothes getting in the way, no responsibilities, no one watching or judging, just them. He pressed a soft kiss to Louis’ bare shoulder.

“Think we should tell Shania that her song just inspired the best sex known to man?” Louis asked. His voice held that cheerfully mischievous tone that suggested he just might actually do it, and Harry laughed.

“Better not,” he said. “I’d like to be able to look her in the eye, if we ever meet her.”

Louis laughed too. “Fair enough,” he said. “It’s a great song, though.”

“That you can tell her.”

“It really fits us, doesn’t it?” Louis said. “All that stuff about beating the odds, everyone saying we couldn’t do it…”

Harry hummed in agreement. “I just wish we could say we’d made it,” he said wistfully. “That we _had_ beaten the odds. Look how far we’ve come – but there’s still so far. I can’t even begin to guess how far.”

Louis was silent for a moment. “You don’t think we’ve made it?” he asked. “We just finished the hundred and tenth stop on our second headlining tour around the world.”

Harry just looked at him. “You know what I mean.”

Louis sighed. “I do,” he said. “I guess I just don’t like thinking about it.”

“We don’t have to,” Harry said quickly. “I didn’t mean to spoil the mood. I’m up for round two if you are.”

“You’re always up for round two,” Louis said with a chuckle. “And it’s fine. It’s just… I mean it’s funny, isn’t it? Most people would give anything to be where we are. Hell, a few years ago _I_ would have given anything to be where we are. And now I just can’t wait for it to be over.”

Harry frowned. “Do you mean that?” he asked.

Louis made a face. “Not the way it sounded,” he said. “I love getting to do this – performing, travelling, making people happy. I just wish it didn’t come with so much… baggage.” He grinned wryly. “The day Simon offered us a record deal, I didn’t think I’d ever want it to end. Now I’m counting the days until we’re not under his thumb any longer. Until we don’t have to lie anymore.”

“We might still have to lie,” Harry said softly.

“We might,” Louis admitted. “But it’ll be different, I think. I hope. We’ll be in a better negotiating position at the very least. Back then we were nobody. We were a group of desperate kids with a dream that was slipping away. Now we’re worth something.”

Harry smiled. “That’s my clever businessman talking,” he said teasingly. “You always did fight the hardest for us.”

“And I always will,” Louis said. “You’re my family now. All of you. And I take care of my family.”

Harry’s smile was soft as he touched Louis’ face. “Thank you,” he said.

Louis wrapped his hand around Harry’s, brushing his thumb along his knuckles. “You mean the world to me,” he said. “You’ve changed my life. I’d do anything for you.”

“I wish you didn’t have to.”

Louis shrugged. “Everything has its price,” he said. “This one is just a little higher.”

“Is it worth it?” Harry whispered suddenly. “All the secrets, the lies, the hurt, the stunting… do you ever think it would be easier if we just… stopped?”

Louis’ face registered surprise. “Stop as in leave the band or stop as in break up?” he asked.

Harry shrugged. “Both. Either. I don’t know, I just… it’s hard sometimes. I wondered…”

Louis studied him carefully. “Do you want to stop?”

“No,” Harry said, almost tripping over the words in his haste. “I love this and I love you. But it’s heavy sometimes. I just – I don’t want you to feel… trapped, I guess. It’s not easy.”

“Harry.” Louis took Harry’s face in his hands, painstakingly gentle. “I wouldn’t trade this for the world. I wouldn’t trade _you_ for the world. If it all fell apart tomorrow, if we lost everything, if I never got to sing again, it would be worth it to have you. You have to know that.”

A smile broke across Harry’s face, warm and genuine. “I’m glad,” he said. “And – me too.”

Louis smiled too, leaning back against the mountains of pillows. “You’re not the only one who’s in this for life,” he said.

Harry laughed. “Good,” he said. “That would be awkward, wouldn’t it? You’re the one I want for life, but you only want me for a few weeks?”

Louis rolled his eyes, but he was still smiling. “Yes, dork,” he said. “I only want you for a few weeks. That’s why it’s been three years, give or take.”

“I love you too,” Harry said, batting his eyelashes at Louis.

Louis shoved Harry gently. “I’m in love with an idiot,” he said.

“Yeah,” Harry said with a shrug. “But I’m in love with a goof. It all works out.”

Louis’ fingers were soft on Harry’s skin, his smile just as soft as he looked at Harry. “Yeah,” he whispered. “It all works out.”

~*~

_It’s all right calling out for somebody to hold tonight._

~*~

Harry couldn’t sleep. It was always hard the first few days, but that usually passed by the end of a week. It wasn’t as restful – the bed too big, too cold, too empty – but it was enough.

After nearly three weeks, however, it was no longer enough. It was the longest they’d been apart since – well, pretty much since the X Factor. That was partly a result of the job – they’d rarely gone that long without seeing Niall or Liam or Zayn either – but it was partly by design. They didn’t want to be apart. Harry still remembered when Louis had gone home for three days for Christmas – three days – and they had still missed each other terribly. They’d texted throughout the day and called every night, but it was a poor substitute compared to when they finally saw each other again.

Years had passed since then, so much time together and too much time apart, good times and bad times, but he still always felt better with Louis beside him. And he always slept better with Louis beside him.

Three weeks apart was too long. He missed the softness of Louis’ hair, missed the feel of his laugh rumbling in his chest, missed the scrape of his stubble when they kissed. He missed kisses, too, of course, missed blowjobs and handjobs and lazy morning sex, but he missed _Louis_ more.

With a sigh, Harry picked up his phone from the bedside table. He opened Tumblr, scrolling absently through his dash – mostly aesthetic blogs, with a few fan artists and manip makers thrown in. He never ceased to be amazed at the skill of their fans – there had been multiple times where a manip had given him a flash of panic before he realised it wasn’t real. Louis always teased him that it was bad for his heart, but Harry loved it too much to give it up.

As he scrolled, one piece in particular caught his eye. It was a manip of him and Louis standing on a rocky cliffside. They were both barefoot, Louis wearing dark blue swim trunks and Harry in those obnoxiously yellow shorts that had attracted so much attention. A waterfall poured down beside them, the water sparkling in the sunlight. But he and Louis – not actually them, he had to keep reminding himself – weren’t interested in the beauty of the scene, and were instead lost in each other.

He smiled at the image for a long moment before copying the link and pasting it into WhatsApp, adding, _thought you might like this. I know how much you loved those shorts ;)_

**Seen 3:17am.**

Harry frowned, calculating the time difference in his head. _Shouldn’t you be working?_ he typed.

 _Shouldn’t you be asleep?_ came the quick reply. _Who are you, my mother?_

 _Your mother has six other kids to worry about,_ Harry sent back. _I’m just taking some of the workload off her._ He added a laughing emoji and two kiss emoji.

_Dork_

_You love it_

_I do. And you._

Harry smiled stupidly at the phone in his hands. Sometimes he felt like he shouldn’t still feel this giddy every time Louis said those words, but he couldn’t help it. He wasn’t sure he wanted to.

 _We’re having a break for lunch, so you’re not interrupting,_ Louis added a moment later. _Maybe you’ll even inspire me ;)_

Harry laughed. _I’ll try._

_Having trouble sleeping?_

Louis knew him so well. _I miss you._

_Wanna call?_

Harry considered it. He probably shouldn’t, but on the other hand, Louis’ voice might help him sleep. _If I’m not keeping you from working._

His phone lit up with the call a moment later, a picture of him and Louis flashing across the screen. They were making goofy faces for the camera, though Harry was smiling more than making a face, and looking at Louis rather than the camera. Crinkles marked the edges of Louis’ eyes, but he was still going full out, his tongue stuck out and his mouth twisted. It was from the afterparty of some award show or another, Harry couldn’t remember which or if they’d won anything, but he treasured the photo. He let himself stare at it a moment longer before accepting the call.

“Hey,” he said, already smiling at the sound of Louis’ breath on the other end of the line.

“Hey,” Louis said back, and hearing his voice felt like a cool breeze on a hot summer day or a warm blanket in winter. It wrapped around him and he felt like he could breathe easier. It was only one word, and they’d spoken just two days ago, but Harry supposed having spent more than four years effectively glued at the hip would make anyone a little over-attached.

“You’re sure I’m not-”

“You’re fine, love,” Louis said before he could finish the sentence. “Julian’s ordering pizza. I’m not on the clock.”

Harry smiled. “Do you eat anything except pizza when I’m not with you?”

“Oi!” Louis sounded more amused than affronted. “I thought I was calling to help you sleep, not to get a lecture on my eating habits. Don’t make me hang up on you.”

“You wouldn’t,” Harry said, laughing.

“I wouldn’t,” Louis agreed. “But I would rather talk about more interesting things. How was your day?”

“That’s more interesting?” Harry teased. “It was fine, I suppose – did some writing, tried a new recipe. I think you’ll like this one, actually.”

“As long as it’s not kale cupcakes.”

“Will you _never_ let me live that down?”

“Not in a million years. They were _awful,_ Haz.”

“They weren’t that ba-”

“They really were. You tried to pretend you’d eaten them but I found them in the bin the next morning.”

Harry was laughing again. “All right, all right, they were a mistake. But this is a raspberry lemon cheesecake that’s absolutely orgasmic.”

“Everything you do is orgasmic,” Louis said. “Especially that thing you do with your tongue that-”

“Louis!”

“What?” Louis’ voice was cheery and innocent. “Not in the mood?”

“I’m trying to _sleep,_ ” Harry said grumpily. “Getting me horny doesn’t help with that. You’re on the other side of an ocean, so all I have right now is my own hand.”

“It’s not quite the same, is it?” Louis sighed dramatically. Harry snorted, but the silence stretched between them.

“I miss you,” Harry said again.

“Miss you too.”

“When are you-”

“I’ll be there to wake you up on Thursday.”

“Mmm.” Harry was smiling. “What if I want to come pick you up?”

“You need your beauty sleep, gorgeous,” Louis said. “How can we have amazing reunion sex if you’re sleep deprived?”

“I think I’d find a way to stay awake,” Harry said, grinning. “You can be pretty… invigorating.”

Louis laughed. “It’s probably still not a good idea,” he said. “You know.”

Harry sighed. “Yeah,” he said. “I know.” He knew that any time they were in public together there was a risk that they’d be spotted. He knew that it would be nearly impossible to explain why he would be picking Louis up from the airport. He knew that the trade-off for a few days of privacy together was invisibility, which was as much a curse as it was a blessing sometimes. It was nice to be able to drop off the radar and just be, but it was frustrating to have to tiptoe around, stay inside, only go places where they could be assured absolute security and secrecy.

“Someday,” Louis said, as though reading his thoughts. “Someday we won’t have to hide anymore.”

“I can’t wait,” Harry said wistfully. “It’s the little things, you know? Not having to pull our hands away when someone approaches. Being able to talk about you without having to second guess every word. That kind of thing.”

“Romantic dinners out,” Louis agreed. “Stupidly sappy posts on social media.”

Harry nodded, forgetting momentarily that Louis couldn’t see it. “It’s hard,” he said softly.

“It’s just so – frustrating, sometimes,” Louis said. Harry could almost picture the lines forming on his forehead, the way his nose wrinkled and his chin jutted out just a bit when he was feeling ornery. “All the lying and the hiding, and for what? It’s not like it matters anymore – I mean, sure, it would change things, and some fans would jump ship, but they aren’t real fans, are they? And there are plenty who’ll stick with us no matter what – they already know, anyway.”

“Louis.” Harry sat up straighter in bed, cradling the phone to his ear. “Are you thinking of-”

“No, no.” Louis’ voice was tired. “I’m just… I don’t know. I’m okay. It just gets to me sometimes, you know?”

“I know,” Harry said softly. “I wish-”

“I know.”

Harry smiled. “I love you, you know.”

“I know.” There was a teasing lilt in his voice. Harry waited, amusement Louis couldn’t see playing across his face as he counted the seconds. He didn’t even reach four before Louis added, “I love you too.”

Harry laughed, the sound trailing off after a moment. “You’re an idiot.”

“Mmm.” Louis didn’t argue. “But I’m your idiot.”

Harry shook his head, still smiling. “If it ever gets to be too much, though,” he said, his voice low and urgent, “you just have to say the word. You know that, right? I don’t need the money, or the fame, or the music, or any of it. I just need you.”

“I know,” Louis said, and Harry could hear the smile in his voice - slightly exasperated but mostly affectionate. “But you know I’d never ask it of you.”

Harry sighed. He did know, and he could never decide if he was more grateful or sad for it. He loved what they got to do, but he hated what it did to them. Louis always took it harder, partly because of his mannerisms and his physicality, partly because he had a tendency to piss off The Powers That Be, and partly because he always tried to protect Harry as much as he could. Harry appreciated it, of course, but he often wished he could be the one to protect Louis.

“You’re enough,” Louis said, as if reading his mind. It was likely mostly just that they’d had this conversation before, more times than Harry cared to recall. “I don’t mind all the unpleasantness when I’ve got you. Together – we can do this. I promise.”

“I wish I could be there with you,” Harry said wistfully.

Louis sighed. “I do too,” he said. “Soon, I promise.”

“The house feels so big and empty without you,” Harry added.

“Don’t you dare adopt any more dogs,” Louis said warningly, his laugh saying he only half meant it. “Our families can only take care of so many of our pets.”

“I miss them too,” Harry said, referring to Louis’ family as much as his own. They’d long since stopped being two separate entities in his mind – he and Louis might not be legally married, but they might as well be, and their families had taken to each other almost as easily as Louis and Harry had themselves.

Louis laughed again. “I’ll tell everyone you say hello,” he said. “And I’ll reassure Anne that you’re eating properly. Can’t really tell her you’re sleeping properly, since you’re calling me at whatever bloody time it is over there.”

Harry yawned, then blinked in surprise. “You’re right,” he said. “I should really get to bed.”

“Want me to tell you a bedtime story?” Louis said, only half-joking.

“Mmm,” Harry said. “How about a lullaby?”

Louis laughed. “What song do you want?”

Harry smiled. “The new one?” he said. “The one you wrote last week?”

“You’ll make yourself cry again,” Louis said, but Harry could tell he was already caving.

“Please?” he said. “‘S my favourite.”

“You say that about every song I write you.”

“Mmm.” He didn’t bother to deny it. “It’s always true, though.”

“Fine,” Louis said, the fondness in his voice almost tangible. “But it’s your turn to write me a song.”

“You’ll get one,” Harry promised. “The sappiest, most cavity-inducing love song I can manage.”

“Sappier than Someday, Maybe?”

Harry laughed. “I’ll certainly try,” he said. His mouth twisted, bitter irony slipping into his words. “S’pose we might as well get some good songs out of this shitty situation.”

“It’s what we do,” Louis said softly. “But it’ll be okay. Four more days, love. Then I’ll see you again.”

“Four more days,” Harry repeated. “I’ll be counting the hours.”

Louis chuckled softly. “It is hard, sometimes,” he said quietly. “It’s downright shitty. But we can do it, Haz. We’re enough. Together, we’re enough.”

Harry shut his eyes. “I know,” he said. “I guess… it’s just harder when we’re _not_ together.”

“We’ll find our way through,” Louis said. “We always do. And when we reach the other side, it’ll still be you and me.”

“Always,” Harry said. It was like a refrain, one that had echoed through their relationship since the very beginning. Harry could hear the warmth in Louis’ voice as he repeated it back, and he held tight to that promise, that certainty that they had built together out of nothing. Everything had changed, but the things that mattered most had stayed the same. And they would continue to stay the same.

“Always.”


End file.
